Menya uburyo bwo gukomeza gukundana igihe kirekire mutari kumwe

Waba ufite ikibazo cy’uko ibivugwa ngo“ifuni ibagara ubushuti ni akarenge” byaba bigiye kukugiraho ingaruka? Ukuri ni uko ntacyahungabanya urukundo rwanyu igihe mubyitwayemo neza nubwo haba hari intera ndende hagati yawe n’umukunzi wawe ibatandukanya.

Deanna Lorraine, umutoza mu byo gushaka inshuti mu mujyi witwa San Diego, muri Leta Zunze Ubumwe za Amerika; avuga ko iyo mushyizeho amabwiriza y’uburyo  muzajya muvugana (creative methods of communication) mugira bidasubirwaho urukundo rurambye kandi rubabereye mwembi.

Mbere yo kureka gucanira umuriro w’urukundo  rw’uwo ukunda mutari kumwe, gerageza gukurikiza aya mabwiriza kugira ngo urwo rukundo ruzabe nta makemwa:

1.    Gushyiraho amabwiriza y’ibanze mu mibanire 

Kugira ngo mukomeze gukundana igihe kirekire mutari kumwe; wowe n’inshuti yawe mugomba kugira ibyo mwumvikanaho ku mabwiriza y’ibanze mu mibanire yanyu. Mugomba kuvuga byimazeyo ku ngingo zivuga ku gihe umwe azamara ari ingaragu, igihe muzajya muvugana n’igihe muzajya musurana.

Deanna Lorraine avuga ko atari byiza na gato kwiha icyizere kidafite aho gishingiye; kuko ngo burya iyo mufite ibyo mwumvikanaho muba muri ku rwego rumwe rwo gukunda (the same page).

2.    Kuvuga ku byo mwumvikanyeho n’intego nyamukuru y’urukundo rwanyu

Kugira ngo mukomeze gukundana igihe kirekire mutari kumwe, Lorraine avuga ko impande zombi zigomba kwiyumvisha ko nyuma yo kunyura mu cyo yise  ubuvumo muzageraho mukabona urumuri. Buri wese yakabaye yibona mu kintu kimwe muzahuriraho nimumara kongera guhura, yaba ari ugushakana cyangwa ikindi kintu kizatuma muhora   mwibuka impamvu muri mu magorwa y’urukundo. Icyitonderwa ni uko mu gihe murimo gushyiraho intego ya nyuma y’urukundo rwanyu; ari byiza kumenya neza niba mwese muyemera kandi muyumvikanaho. Kuko burya gutekereza cyangwa kwizera ko mugenzi wawe azakugarukira, biguheza mu gihirahiro.

3.    Kwirinda kuvugana buri kanya

Mu gihe bigaragara ko kuvugisha mugenzi wawe buri munsi bimeze nk’aho ari uburyo bwiza bwo kumuhora hafi, Lorraine we avuga ko atari byiza kwishimisha mu biganiro (chat-fest). Atanga inama yo kugira gahunda ihamye yo guhamagarana nibura isaha imwe cyangwa irenga mu cyumweru cyose. Lorraine asobanura ko igihe mukoresha ubu buryo, mugira byinshi byo kuvugana, mukabikora mukumburanye kandi mufite ubushake bwinshi  bwo kubwirana amagambo y’urukundo n’ inkuru z’icyumweru cyose.
Lorraine akomeza agira ati “Iyo muvugana muri ubu buryo, bigabanya kubaho umwe agendera ku wundi kandi bigaha mwembi uburyo bwo kwiyobora neza mu byo mukora no mu buzima bwanyu bwa buri munsi.”

4.    Gusurana mu busitani bwa buri umwe

Igihe cyose bishoboka, buri wese agomba gushyira imbaraga zingana muri gahunda zo guhura no gusurana, kandi buri wese akagera aho undi aherereye. Iyi gahunda izabafasha mwembi gutanga igihe cyanyu kingana, izabafasha kumva ko buri umwe ari igice cy’ubuzima bwa mugenzi we, ndetse buri umwe amenye inshuti z’undi. Iyo ibi bikozwe n’umwe muri bo, uretse no kunanirwa cyangwa kutuzuzanya, bishobora kuba urucantege kuri wundi.

5. Kwizerana bihagije

Ubusanzwe, kutamenya aho mugenzi wawe yiriwe, uko yiriwe ameze, icyo yakoraga n’ibindi bibyara impungenge nyinshi ndetse bikanatera kubura umutuzo mu bantu. Ariko niba ushaka gukomeza gukundana n’inshuti yawe igihe kirekire mutari kumwe ugomba kwiga bihagije kwizerana.

Guha mugenzi wawe ubwisanzure bwo kubaho yigenga mu gihe mutari kumwe, kandi ukihanganira  ibyatuma ufuha, ukeka cyangwa umugenzura ngo ni iby’ingenzi kuko umuntu ugize bene iyi myumvire ashobora kugaragara nk’uwataye umutwe cyangwa se umuntu utazi gukora igikwiye.

6. Kugira  urugwiro n’ubwuzu  bwinshi mu rukundo 

Kubera ko guhura no kubonana aba ari imbonekarimwe, igihe muhuye ugomba gukoresha imbaraga zishoboka zose kugira ngo wuhire urukundo. Menya neza ko abavandimwe n’inshuti zawe batari buze kubabangamira mu gihe murimo kumarana urukumbuzi.
Ubundi buryo Lorraine avuga ko bwakoreshwa mu gihe mudashobora guhura amaso ku maso ni uko ushobora kohereza ubutumwa bugufi burimo utugambo twiza tw’urukundo (sexy text messages)  cyangwa ukohereza udufoto twiza.  Ikindi na none, ushobora gukoresha uburyo bita Cyber Sex cyangwa  Phone Sex mu gihe wumva ubishoboye. Mu gutangira bizakugora ariko uko uzagenda ubimenyera bizagufasha  gukomeza ubushuti bwawe ni uwo ukunda ari kure yawe.
Kubaho uko bikwiye

Uburyo bumwe bwo gukomeza gukundana igihe kirekire mutari kumwe ni uko wakomeza gusabana n’abavandimwe n’inshuti zawe nk’uko bisanzwe. Abantu benshi baba baramenyereye ko abakunzi babo babahora hafi, bamara kugenda ugasanga barahangayitse.

Lorraine avuga ko kugira ngo utazabura byose nk’ingata imennye, ari byiza ko wibanda ku ntego nyamukuru y’urukundo rwanyu hanyuma ugakora imirimo yawe nk’uko bisanzwe muri icyo gihe kugira ngo ubonereho wubake umuryango mugari.

Lorraine avuga  kandi ko gukundana  mutari kumwe bibyara inyungu ishimishije kurusha uko mwaba muri kumwe, kubera ko: buri umwe aba yarakoze  iyo bwabaga kugira ngo intego y’urukundo rwanyu igerweho ndetse akabikora neza atari ugutinya ijisho rya mugenzi we. Lorraine yongeraho ko iyo mubyitwayemo neza muzana umusaruro mwinshi ndetse mukaba indashyikirwa  mu bijyanye n’imibanire.”  Tubikesha Umuganga.