Urugo rwawe ruri gusenyuka kubera kuba ‘busy’? Bigenze utya…
Muri iki gihe abantu barahuze ku buryo nabyo ubwabyo bibatanya
Hari ibintu byinshi muri iki gihe bikeneye ko ubirebaho ukabyitaho, kugera ku kureba kuri e mail ya nyuma bakoherereje ndetse kandi ugomba no gusimbukira muri sport nyuma y’akazi cyangwa kureba inshuti, hari igihe byanga neza neza ko byose ubishobora ugahora uri busy. Ariko hari ikintu gikomeye cyane ku buzima bwawe udahugiraho; urushako rwawe.
Nyuma y’imyaka igereranyije mushakanye wakumva ibi atari ikibazo imibanire iba ikiri nta makemwa. Igitabo gishya kitwa “The Two-Minute Marriage Project: Simple Secrets For Staying In Love” Heidi Poelman arakubwira uko wabungabunga urushako rwawe mu minota ibiri gusa ku munsi.
Iki gitabo gikubiyemo cyane uburyo utuntu duto mu rukundo rw’abashakanye aritwe dukomeza kurusigasira no kururinda guhungabanywa n’ibizazane bihoraho mu mibanire.
Hari igihe wibaza niba ari wawundi wakunze cyagihe
Urugero; wakunze umugabo wawe kubera impamvu, ariko hari igihe bigorana no kwibuka iyo mpamvu. Uko iminsi ishira niko abashakanye benshi bagenda bibada cyane ku bibangamye ku ruhande rw’uwo yashatse.
Uzumirwa ubonye umugabo wari uziko atanywa inzoga aguhindukanye umusinzi mu gihe gito mubana, usange ni umunyamwaga utarabimubonyeho akigutereta, cyangwa usange umugore wawe ni umunyamushiha n’urugwiro ruke utarigeze ubibona mbere.
Ubushakashatsi bugaragaza ko uko iminsi igenda itambuka abantu babana ariko bagenda bavumburanaho utuntu tubi batari baziranyeho kurusha utwiza. Buri kantu mukoze buri gihe gahereye kuri ibi gatuma habaho cyangwa hazabaho ingaruka mbi zikomeye.
Dr John Gottman, wo muri Seattle Relationship Research Institute, ati “Iyo za couples zitaye cyane ku kureba ibyiza bakunze kuri mugenzi w’undi bitanga amahirwe menshi yo gukomeza gukundana no kubana ikindi gihe kirekire”
NTUKIBAGIRWE GUSOMA UWO MWASHAKANYE
Ni uheruka gusoma byimbitse uwo mwashakanye?
Mu by’ukuri hari n’ababa batabyibuka. Mu Bwongereza, couple imwe muri eshanu ntabwo iba iheruka gusomana mu gihe cy’iminsi irindwi. Kubera ko baba bari ‘busy’ gusa.
Aha ni mu bazungu aho bo gusomana ari n’umuco. Ubushakashatsi bukorewe mu Rwanda umenya bwatanga imibare itangaje ku minsi iba ishize abashakanye badasomana byimbitse.
Gusoma byimbitse umugore/umugabo wawe nibura rimwe ku munsi, apana byabindi byo kwitama agiye kukazi, birinda ‘stress’ y’imibanire ndetse bikagabanya cyane ikigero kibi cy’umusemburo wa cholesterol nk’uko bitangazwa n’abashakashatsi muri kaminuza ya Arizona muri Amerika.
Gusomana kandi ngo bizabafasha kumvikana kuko ababikora badakunda guhariira. Gusomana gutyo kandi ngo binakiza Stress y’umubiri.
AGATABO KO GUSHIMIRA
Nta muntu burya udakunda gushimirwa ku muhate yakoresheje akora neza. Abantu benshi umuco wo gushimira hagati y’abashakanye ntibawuzi. Niba umugore/umugabo agukoreye akantu gato runaka koroheje (nko kuguhanagurira inkweto) habe no kuvuga uti “Merci” usanga bibwira ko ari inshingano gusa zidakwiye gushimirwa. Ibi bishobora gukora ku mibanire yanyu.
Kugira ngo mushimishanye kandi mushimirane iki gitabo kibagira inama yo gufata agakayi gato (Notebook) ukajya wandikamo buri mugoroba ibyo ushimira umugore/umugabo wawe yagukoreye uwo munsi. Ukakabika. Uko iminsi ishira ukakereka mugenzi wawe. Bimutera ishema n’ishyaka ryo kurushaho kugukunda no kukugirira neza.
Vuga uti TWE aho kuba NJYE
Ni ikintu cyumvikana nk’icyoroshye, ariko kumvikanisha urugo rwawe nk’ikipe aho kuba abantu babiri umwe ku giti cye bikomeza imibanire yanyu no kwegerana kurushaho.
Babaza umugabo bati “week end yawe yari yifashe ite?”
Ati “Mu gitondo nari ndi mu rugo, nywa ka cyayi, nkora uturimo ducye, nimugoroba njya koga, hanyuma njyana abana mu busitani bwabo, bugorobye njya gusenga nuko…”
Kandi nyamara ibi byose ugasanga yabikoze ari kumwe n’umugore we.
Niba bagutumiye ahantu ngo uzazane na Madam, wisubiza uti “Nzahagera nka saa kumi” vuga uti “TUZAHAGERA nka saa kumi” urugo ni urwa mwembi nubwo waba uri umutware warwo.
KORA UTUNTU DUTO
Murabizi neza ko ibisenya ingo nabyo akenshi ari utuntu duto, ibirukomeza nabyo rero burya si binini nk’uko iki gitabo kibivuga. Utuntu duto duto rwose.
Hari n’utudasaba ‘effort’ nini, ereka gusa umugore/umugabo wawe ko umutekereza, ko umwitayeho, ko ushaka ko yishima.
Niba hashyushye muzanire utuzi cyangwa umuhungize. Niba agiye ibunaka shyira akandiko gato mu ivalisi ajyanye, niba uhuye n’akantu akunda ku muhanda kamugurire nibwo kaba kagura ijana.
Wifata umwanya munini ushaka gutekereza akantu wamukorera, juste kora agahise kaza mu mutwe igihe umutekereje gusa. Usibye kwirengagiza no kwangana bya ‘giturage’ (bidasobanutse) nta muntu udatekereza nibura inshuro imwe ku munsi mugenzi we bararana.
Niba umutekereje akantu ugisoma ibi gira ako umukorera nonaha, karaba gahagije nubwo kaba ka SMS hari icyo gakuraho ku mibanire mibi mwari mufitanye, hari n’icyo kongeera ku rukundo muri kugaragarizanya muri iyi minsi.
URUKUNDO RWANYU NICYO CY’IBANZE
Turahuze, turahuze cyane pe. Mu buzima bw’iki gihe udahuze ni udakora cyangwa udashakisha icyo akora kuko uyu nawe arahuze. Ariko ushobora guhuga ukibagirwa icy’ingenzi mu buzima. URUGO RWAWE.
Nubwo waba uhuze uri kuyora amafaranga niba urushako rwawe utaruhaye umwanya w’ibanze buri munsi uzayaryana umutima mubi nayo akubihire urutwe n’ukwennye ariko atuje.
Shakisha uburyo bwose muri buri kantu ukora uwo mwashakanye aza imbere. Niba ugiye kukazi wihuta cyane, ntibikubuze kumusezera neza umusoma nk’uko usanzwe ubikora.
Niba ugiye kureba ishuti zawe genda uzi neza ko asigaye nta ngingimiira ko umusize wenyine. Nibiba ngombwa mujyane nibidashoboka ubireke kuko aza imbere y’inshuti zigakurikira.
Hifashishijwe igitabo “Two Minute Marriage Project cya Heidi Poelman, cyasohotse muri uyu mwaka.
UM– USEKE
English
12 Comments
IBI MUVUZE AHO NI BYIZA GUSA MUZAZE MUTOZE ABAGABO BABANYACYANGUGU,KIRAZIRA KURI BO GUSOHOKANA NUMUGORE SOIT MU BUKWE,MU BITARAMO ,NAHANDI,NARAYOBEWE UKO BATEYENUWAMUSOHOKANYE USANGA ABABYE ATISHIMYE,NABASHATSEMO ARIKO NARUMIWE PEEE
ahaaa! ubwo ushaka kumuca inyuma. muzabiganireho bose siko bateye
Nibyo ibyo uvuze
Ubundi bagakubita abagore babo
Ivumbi rugatumuka!!!
Bagakunda amafaranga ngo ngwino urebe
Bagakunda abagore nki nka imwe
Mbese kurongorwa mu bushi
Utarahavutse
Nukurira ayo kwarika
Uziko sha iyo mico bayimukanye
Nabana babo bavukira buraya bameze nka ba se byoo
Kandi nziko ngo iburaya bihunduka!
Wapi umushi yama aba umushi
Iminsi yose
Gusa bakwiye amahugurwa
Yo kumenya umutegarugore ko atari
Uwo kurara ukubita bugacya
Ndisegura kubanyacyangugu batameze gutyo
Ariko abenshi nuko bitereye
Ubu muba mwakoze sondage neza. Mwagiye mukora ubushakashatsi bwimbitse? Hari abanye neza kurusha abandi ntukavuge ibibazo byawe ngo urebe agace runaka. Ubuse abirirwa bahondagurwa ni abashakanye nabanyacyangugu! Mwagiye mubanza mugakora fiancaille aho kubirukira ngo bafite inoti. Ko mwiruka gusa mutabanje no gukundana mushaka kubarya gusa! Mwa biraya mwe!!!!!!!! puuuuuuu
Kuri Maya na Kagabo Jems,
Reka mbanze mbashimire ku bitekerezo byanyu ariko nanabagaya uko mwafasha ingero za bamwe mu banyacyangugu (isolated cases) mukazihuriza ku banyacyangugu bose. Ibi ni ugusebanya ndetse ni no guteza urujijo rwose! Muramutse muvuze ko nta munyagisenyi cg umunyamutara ukubita umugore cg utagira ubupfura kimwe no guhagarara ku maguru yanyu mukemeza ko nta munyacyangugu ugira ubupfura, ubunyangamugayo, kutagundira inoti(nk’uko Maya yabivuze) aho mwaba mubeshye cyane rwose kuko ndabazi benshi banafata muyo batunze bagafashisha abandi! Kuba rero umutware wawe( ndavuga uwiyise Kagabo Jems) yaba atajya agusohokana, ibyo ubwo hari impamvu y’imbere mu rugo iwanyu kuko nzi benshi nanjye ndimo basohokana ndetse bakanishimana n’abafasha babo mu ruhame! Ibyo uvuga rero sinzi aho wabikuye cyangwa wafashe isolated cases aba arizo ubwira abasomyi! Ubundi mwagombye kwanidka ikindi gitekerezo mwisegura ku banyacyangugu bose kuko mutwambitse icyasha! Nshoje mbakangurira gukomeza gushakana n’abanyacyangugu kuko bazi gukundwakazi no kubaka ingo bitajenjetse! Imana ibibafashemo!
ibyo bavuze ni ukuri !!!gusa ukuri kurasharira abazima barimo nawe yabyemeje ariko nibo bake!!!wowe uvuga ngo umuntu nindaya uwayishatse we aba abaye iki????
bavuga ibirakaye umuhoro ukagondama,iyompamvu bavuze abanyacyangugu uriya akababara kuko ariho akomoka.Niyihangane ukurinukuri.
Ariko namwe ntimugakabye !
Ubu ko nashakanye n’ umunya cyangugu kandi tukaba tubanye neza ntimushaka kutubibamo urwikekwe? Mujye mwirinda kugejeneraliza (generaliser) kandi nta n’ibimenyetso bifatika mufite. Ese ko abakobwa baho bo ntacyo wabavuzeho ra?
N’uko bitangira muvangura abantu boshye ko ari mwe mwabaremye. Abanya cyangugu mwabanga mwabakunda bazabaho. Niba hari uwakoze ubushakashatsi nashyireho gahunda yo kubigisha gukundana wenda niba mwe muri intungane. Urabona Maya ngo arakora igisigo cyuzuyemo urwango no gusebanya bishingiye ku marangamutima no kwikuza?
Ndabona abantu banamushyigikiye ga! Oya!
Ntukwiye kwibasira cg kunena itsinda ry’abantu nkaho ubifitiye gihamya. Ababanye nabi mu ngo zabo nibasenge Imana ibatabare aho kwitakana abo mwashakanye n’aho bakomoka.
Murakoze
Nurugero yatanze,gusa bazakore ubushakashatsi murwanda.kuko ibi byavuzwe biba hake
Murasetsa ubushakashatsi bugamije kumenya uko abanya Cyangugu babana. Aho muzi ukuntu ubushakashatsi buhenda? Musigeho hatagira abumva ko musaba ibyo mutazi n’agaciro kabyo, burya nta hantu haba abantu shyashya, igikuru ni ukumenya uwo mwashakanye, mukamenyana mwembi bityo mukoroherana niba koko muzi icyo gukora no guha uburere bwiza abana banyu mu gihe Imana ibabahaye. Haba haragaragaye se ko ingo zicana zaba ari iz’abanyacyangugu byibura ngo hamenywe impamvu y’izo mfu cg se ibibazo bikomeye biba muri izo ngo, ntabwo ubushakashatsi bupfa gukorwa musigeho kandi ku generalisa nabyo si byiza.
njyewe abanyacyangugu nkunda ukuntu bashyira hamwe.uwavuze ngo ntibasohokana nabagore babo arabebeshyera ahubwo bahora bashoreranye yemwe nabana akenshi ntibabasiga,gusa bagira ingeso yo kwironda cyane.ahubwo abagore baho niza shitani zigendera mu mihanda.abambuzi,abanyamitwe ,bigize abanyabwenge mu gushakisha amafaranga bigatuma bayashakira nahadashobotse.abagore mureke amanyanga
muraho, reka mbanze nibwirire maya, kagabo james na keza. burya ntabwo aribyiza gufatira kuri bakeya uzi cg se benshi gusa uko biri kose si region(cyangugu) yose, maze ukabyitirira bose. kuko Imana itaba yaratoranije abantu babi gusa akaba aribo ituza icyangugu cg se ubuyobozi akaba aribwo bubigenza gucyo uboshi ari IWAWA, so mwikomeza gushimangi wamugani “umukobwa aba umwe agatukisha bose” ngiriye inama maya, uzasenge usabe Imana wizeye uzabona ibyo wasabye. mugire ibihe byiza abasomyi bu museke mwese.
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