Ni iki gituma umuntu abura ubushake bw’imibonanompuzabitsina?

Mu gihe mu myaka ya za1970 na1980 wasangaga abantu benshi bibaza ku byishimo biba mu mibonano mpuzabitsina,  ubu usanga abantu batandukanye baba abatarashaka cyangwa ababutse bibaza impamvu ishobora gutuma umuntu abura ubushake bwo gukora imibonano mpuzabitsina.

Kimwe mu bitabo byanditse na  Éd. Robert ubu bikunzwe cyane ku isoko hagaragaramo inkuru ya Sophie Fontanel, aho agaruka ku ikibazo cyijyane no kubura ubushake bwo gukora imiibonano mpuzabitsina.

Mu gitabo cyitwa Les Ados, l’Amour et le Sexe cyanditswe na  Éd. Jouvence, umuhanga mu by’imibanire y’abantu akaba n’umuhanga mu by’imibonano mpuzabitsina, yagaragaje ko 80 % by’amakuple (couples) amugana aho atangira inama  zitandukanye ku mugabo n’umugore, bafite ikibazo ku bijyanye n’imibanire yabo, ngo umwe muri bo aba afite ikibazo cyo kumva nta bushake bwo gukora imibonano mpuzabitsina agifite .

Gusa  ngo igitangaje nk’uko uyu mwanditsi akomeza abivuga mu gitabo cye, ni uko ngo usanga abagize uru rugo baba bakundana nk’ubusanzwe ari nacyo gituma iyo hashize nk’imyaka igera kuri ine cyangwa itanu, bahitamo kwitabaza abahanga  mu by’imibanire y’abashakanye ndetse n’abahanga mu by’imibonano mpuzabitsina, ngo bakabagira inama ku cyaba cyihishe inyuma y’iki kibazo.

Zimwe mu mpamvu zibuza ubushake bwo gukora imibonano mpuzabitsina nk’uko bitanagazwa n’ikinyamakuru le Figaro:

1. 1.      Kuba abantu bamaranye igihe kinini babana.

Kuba abashakanye bamaranye igihe babana, usanga hari ubwo bahararukanye bikarushaho kugaragara cyane iyo bafitanye n’abana bamaze kugera mu kigero cy’ingimbi, usanga ababyeyi bahugiye mu kurera aba bana no kubashakira ejo hazaza heza bityo bo bakiyibagirwa, bwa bushake bwo gutera akabariro bukabura.

Alain Héril we ngo asanga gushakana bitavuga gukora imibonano mpuzabitsina, ahubwo ngo ni ukumva neza impamvu baba barahisemo kubana.

Iyo rero abashakanye babashije kumva ko hari impamvu nyamaukuru yatumye babana atari imibonanao mpuzabitsina , iki gihe kuyikora ntibabiha umwanya munini mu buzima bwabo.

Igihe cyo gutuza (Les moments calme)

Ese uku gutuza kwaba guterwa n’iki?Akenshi ngo usanga haba harabayeho ibibazo by’imikorere y’imyanya ndangabitsina ku bagore, naho ku bagabo ngo hari ubwo usanga biterwa no kuba asigaye asohora vuba bityo ugasanga n’ubushake bwo gukora imibonano mpuzabitsina bwagabanutse.

Maïté Sauvet , umushakashatsi ku bibazo bituruka ku mikorere itari myiza y’ubwonko, avuga ko akenshi usanga abantu batazi aho ibyishimo n’ubushake bw’imibonano mpuzabitsina byabo bituruka, nk’aho usanga ngo bareba amafirimi ya poronogarafi bagashaka kwigana ibyo babonye, nyamara wenda kuri bo ntibibahe kugira ubwo bushake bifuzaga kugira.

Kubwe rero ngo asanga hari n’ubwo abantu baba batazi uburyo bwo gukora imibonano mpuzabitsina aho usanga bashaka kwigana ibyo babonye cyangwa babwiwe.

2. Guhora udatuje muri wowe

Ibi akenshi bikunze kugaragara ku bagore nk’iyo umugabo amuhoza ku nkeke ashaka ko batera akabariro nta kubanza kumutegura, agera aho akumva arabirambiwe n’ubushake bwo kuyikora bukamushiramo.

Ikindi ni uko ngo hari abagabo bakora imibonano mpuzabitsina vuba vuba  nta kindi gikorwa nko gusoma uwo mugiye kuyikorana, kumukorakora n’ibindi… Ibi na byo bishobora gutuma ubushake bugabanuka hagati y’abashakanye kuko umwe bimubera umutwaro ahora yikoreye kandi adashaka.

Gusa ngo gukora imibonano mpuzabitsina buri munsi si byo byatuma umuntu atakaza ubushyake bwo kuyikora  nk’uko byemezwa na  Alain Héril,  ahubwo ngo biterwa n’uko iba yakozwe nta kubanza gutegurana hagati y’abagiye kuyikora kwabayeho.

Ibi rero ngo bifashwa ahanini no kuba wiyumva mu wo mwashakanye, ukaba wamwoherereza ubutumwa ari kukazi bityo akazagutaha agukumbuye.

Ikindi ngo ni uko nibura ingo zigera kuri 70 % mu zabashize guhura n’iki kibazo, zikiyambaza abahanga mu by’imibanire y’abashakanye, babashije kongera kugarura ubushake bwo hukora imibonano mpuzabitsina.

Solange Umurerwa
UM– USEKE.COM